Finding a Balance

Yep, just that. Finding a balance. I've found myself torn into different directions lately. A woman between two cities. My home and immediate family life is in Globe. My job and extended family life are in San Tan Valley.

Since the girls were born, we've reentered church. Through previous posts, you can see how that has gone and our struggle to find a church home again. With the help of my sister, we started to love all of what Mountain View Church had to offer. I love the vibe of it and the girls love having a classroom to learn and grow in. We've decided to go there when we are in the area. Martin loves everything about going there too. Finally, our family celebrates together. However, when we are home, there was a void. We continue to search for the answer. Today, I was guided to revisit a church I had previously attended when EvI was born. To my surprise, it is much like Mountain View and very close to home. Time shall tell. I guess lot of it is finding peace near home rather than wasting to time and energy to go to the valley for one event and go back home. It is taxing on everyone. On days I won't have anyone to worship with, I'll stay in town, worship and follow MV online.
We need to make a healthy balance for the girls. Help them feel more at home, near home. Get locally involved. Grow a sense of pride in community. Make less unnecessary trips to the valley.

To the Person I Used to Know

To the person I used to know,

The person I used to know was an outgoing girl who was the life of the party. She never met a stranger and always had a way of shaking my shy side and getting me to do all those shocking things I never thought I'd do in my early years. You lived down the street from my childhood home and was one of my first friends here when my family relocated to that little ole town. We were close through middle school and had many times at the public pool, skating ring, or simply finding something to do down the dirt road in our neighborhood with the rest of the neighborhood kids. We lost touch in high school. You continued down a path of boys and risky behavior to fit in and I got involved in school activities, made other friends and plans for my future. When the military didn't work out, you came back into my life. We lived in our first house together and you introduced me to a guy who would later become my husband. Again, you spiraled farther down a risky path to include the same group of troubled individuals and my first encounter witnessing the introduction of drugs in your life. Before I moved to NYC, you called me for help and I tried, you ran. I saw you the other day, or a version of you. I saw your mugshots online. Your face sunk in, your skin knarled with scars from getting lit on fire while you were high, your chin protruding out, your hair disheveled, your eyes popping out without a care, a face of an addicted lost soul. A shell of the young, healthy girl I once knew and looked up to. I always admired your confidence and how easy being social was for you. It made me sad to see how your life turned out. I always loved you, my friend.

The person I used to know was a beautiful, thin, loving girl. I came to know her through my father. Our dads worked together and when we didn't have a place to live as a teenager, her family took us in. It was around Christmas time. She loved the backstreet boys and was a little older then me. She lost her mom around that time. They were close. From that moment on, she became a mother figure to her siblings. She had a natural instinct. She was kind and always had a place for people. When I came home from the military, she offered me my first job and it helped rehab me back to society. She was fun loving. We loved working at the sub shop. We would flirt with the guys that worked the gas station. Little did I know, the guy she had eyes on would eventually get her strung out. She met another man and cleaned up. She had four beautiful children. She battled addiction. I guess that's what drew my dad closer to her. He felt they had a commonality- the same demons, drugs and depression. Addiction drove her closest friends and family away and many gave her tough love, though it didn't take the love they had for her away. Recently, she commited suicide. A lost soul. Life cut much to short. We remember the person she once was and I remember her for the goofy, raw, sweet personality she had.

The third person I used to know is referred to in Loving with Limits.

Addiction and the drug life is a tough one. No one can feel the internal Hell they put themselves through and no one can truly help unless they have the desire to change. I've let these experiences motivate me to be more ambitious and create a better life for my family. I put my faith in Him. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes and ask for forgiveness. I often hear people talk of my hometown poorly due to its poor drug reputation. Life is a choice. Be good to yourself.

Love Up

Recently, I shed light on a sensitive body image post on Facebook. The initial post stated, "Nothing crushes a busy moms soul worse than someone telling you, you look like crap and need to go to the salon among other things."


Sadly, this post was in regards to a comment made to me by one of those who are closest to me. Though I won't reveal the identity of the author of this comment, I wanted to go public with it to validate my feelings.


Insecurities can run deep and bleed deeper when they are noticed by others and even worse, commented on about it. While I know these things are reality, theres no delusion that they aren't there or that they'll magically disappear, it hurts when others find pleasure from your downfalls (whether they think its "joking" or not). Bullying is not okay at any age. We are taught to accept others as they are, but yet, it is so difficult for other to do. We are all under constant observation and internal judgment of those around us. The truth is, no one gets to judge us but God. If you are okay with who you are and are living to the best of your ability, who gives a hoot what others think, right?


I appreciate the support I received from my friends and I encourage anyone feeling unattractive in result of the unkind words other spew to look within themselves, remind themselves of what truly matters and what makes them happy.


While I took pride in many superficial things before I became a mommy, they are just that- things. I, now, take pride in being a good mommy and being a good example for my girlies. While, I may look like a hot mess most days, I dress for the occasion :)


Feel free to review the comments and responses below and let it be a reminder to love yourself and build each other up (love up).


***Names have been altered to protect indentities***



T*R*D*  Where is this person? Key me at em. Seriously...

J*R-C* 

L*J*  You are beautiful!

T*R*D*  Absolutely

T*R*D* 

E*S*  How awful :(
You're beautiful!

M*P*  Were they just joking?

Trini Michelle-Lailie Hurtado Wish they were...

S*S*  Don’t listen to them Trini!!! 😘

M*R*  What! You're always style'n! They're just jealous

P*L*  Taylor Swift - shake it off. You are beautiful and unique in God’s eye 😘

A*C*

M*G*  You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. #ScrewThemHaters

A*R*  Only ones opinion that should matter is my brother as long as he still loves you and find you attractive nothing else matters forget everyone's comments you are still beautiful

P*P*  You are beautiful! How dare they

Trini Michelle-Lailie Hurtado Thank you for your kind words, ladies. Its no secret that self image is a sensitive topic after youve had a baby... let alone back to back. Its been one of my secret struggles. There doesnt seem like enough time in the day most days to care for myself as I used to before my beautiful babies. Im not making excuses. My girls always look great. So yes, hair doesnt get styled cut or colored, makeup is a rarity, no- Im not pregnant... I just gained a ton of weight after breast feeding, nails dont get painted, skin and teeth dont get treatments, most days its a privledge to actually wear normal clothes (which are gigantic compared to what I used to be, so I dont wear the latest and greatest)- I put my littles ones first. By the time I get around to me- Im exhausted. Again, Im not making excuses. It is what it is. It doesnt bother me as it does others apparently. I guess what hurts most is people have to go out of their way to notice and make snarky comments. Love up, people. Dont bring those around you down- never know what a day in their shoes may behold.

S*A*B*  Trini u Do Not Have to explain anything to anyone! U r a beautiful young lady inside and out. U'r true friends knows u and hav alot of respect for u. Don't even listen to their nonsense.

A*M*  That’s called being a mom. And a damn good one. I will always go without before I let my girls do so. I usually look like a hot mess while my girls are wearing the latest and greatest. My shoes are wearing down to the ground while my girls have yet another new pair. You’re beautiful inside and out. I’m so sorry there’s someone who failed to see that. How unfortunate for them.

M*G*  When you have two littles at home, it's a good day when you can shower without interruptions let alone anything else. Whoever made that comment probably doesn't have a clue.

S*C*  The struggle is real, and it cuts like a knife when your self esteem gets wounded. Believe me I know how hard it is to work and have babies , not to mention your long commute! Hang in there my friend.This too shall pass!

R*B*G*  Guess that person doesn't have a life mija! And, her opinion doesn't even matter....Your beautiful!!❤ love you momma!

Trini Michelle-Lailie Hurtado Love you too. Thank you ❤

K*P*  The person probably wears tons of make up and what not to try and make themselves look decent. Being a mom to 2 youngins you don’t have time for that crap. Be yourself and take care of your little ones don’t care what they think of you. Like me I could care less what anyone thinks of me I am who I am. My family is what matters

N*L'H*  Oh woman...you are fierce!!! A beautiful woman!!!

N*L'H*  Love up, people!!!! Love you, gurl! 💪

S*G*  How dare they!!... Being a mom is a beautiful garment to wear ♥...

Trini Michelle-Lailie Hurtado Beautifully said. Thats what Ive always thought of when I look in the mirror. My stretch marks are beautiful because that was were my babies grew and called their home, my "duck tails" (the short hairs on the perimeter of of scalpline) are a result of hormonal changes when I lost most of my hair and it is making a return, the pigmit spots on my face are also a result of pregnancy and hormone changes. I dont see them as faults. Its part of my garment ;)

S*G*  Exactly...

T*R*D*  Is this someone u have to be around? If not... don't.

L*K*  I'm sorry to hear that those are the words and sentiments being directed at you! Don't worry if your reasons sound like "excuses" you shouldn't need an excuse for your own body, hair, or nails in the first place. I hope you find the time and support for self-care, but that the self-care is actually for you and not to please shallow people who don't care about your actual well being!

J*L*  If someone says that, they are acting like crap. At least you have a recourse...

People Enter One's Life For a Reason

Cliché, I know. But I really do believe people come in your life for a reason whether you want to believe it or not. When we moved to Globe, I was very lonely. I knew I wanted to be here. I knew I wanted to remodel Pearl and give my family a safe place to learn, play and grow.

Martin and I are accustomed to working opposites so the girls won't need to go to daycare and

they can enjoy quality time with us in the comfort of their own home. However, on the days he worked, I was becoming hard to have a conversation with a newborn and a 15 month old. Though my world was full of love and joy, I felt a void. A longing for someone to talk to or just a companion to go on a short outing with every now and again. I have struggled meeting friends in Globe, but had the opportunity at meeting some pretty amazing people.

It took me a while to formulate the words in how I was going to express this. Though we have family who are local, I realize everyone has their own lives and busy tasks. Therefore, meeting regularly becomes slim to none. Then, I met an amazing church group. My girls had a safe place they could play with good, Christ loving children. I had developed a friendship with one of the most amazing and inspiring women I have come to know in my lifetime. At the time, both newish mothers, trying to gain knowledge and wisdom from other mothers and wiser women around us. Her perspective on life, Christ and the way she viewed the world was unlike any I've ever encountered. Her hunger for life, love in Christ and her motivation to spread the word and the gospel was encouraging. I found myself reestablishing a spiritual connection with the lord and enjoying my studies (first time since I practiced Judaism). I also enjoyed our many play dates and church activities.

However, the lord called upon her family to serve another part of Arizona. Sadly, this meant leaving the area and losing our day to day hang outs. While I was so happy the lord answered her families prayers for direction and gave them an opportunity to grow and flourish, I found myself in transition again. New church, new friends, new environment for the girls.

While we attended the same church, some meetings included involvement with other congregations in the surrounding area leading to other relationships with other moms. Because of this, during this moment of transition, my heart gravitated toward a church we had visited during our monthly moms group. It felt right. The ladies were warm and inviting, there was a nursery with the sweetest care volunteers, and as time went on, I began to see familiar faces from my prior congregation. A blessing in mine and my girls' eyes. How wonderful it has been to be welcomed with open arms and open hearts.  

The lord led His people to worship together once again. What a great feeling. Had the lord not brought this young lady into my life, I wouldn't have gained and strengthened other relationships that would help me in this transition. I am grateful. Though we don't physically see each other anymore since her move, I value our friendship, enjoy talking to her and bouncing those mommy moments off of each other. The lord brought us together and yes, people enter your life for a reason.  

Dreamers of Dreams

What? 2 posts in one day?! That's crazy talk! Well, people, its happening! The girls are napping while this Momma is talking the quiet time to talk to you fine folks!

Everyone has dreams, goals and aspirations in life... a career one has achieved, a business one has opened. What drives you? What makes you wake up every morning and put a smile on your face? Is it driving 2 hours in traffic in a busy city, one way to the job you hate? (Love my job- BTW). Is it the thought of a upcoming vacation or a memory of a loved one?

Though I once aspired to be a nurse, my role as a Momma has enriched my life beyond measure. I thoroughly enjoy to little things and making memories with my little ladies. Boy and I are blessed with 3- 12 hour shifts/week that allows us to raise our girls and be there for their milestones. I am forever grateful. While it may not be the role of BSN, it is the role of something so much greater. 

Yes, I may return to school once the girls are older, but for now, I'm enjoying my babies. There is no shame in that. 

Times I can't imagine my life outside of healthcare. It has been my comfort zone since I was 18. It's all I've ever known as an adult in the workforce.

Though there are dreams of a time when I leap out of my comfort zone and open a window front business. Somewhere my girls can grow up in and we can flourish as a family owned business. 

There are tons of local, historic window front businesses that sit empty for years, drifting away in the days gone by.

The geeky, adventurous part of me has always been curious how it may feel having something to call my own, to call all the shots. Decisions and plans would have to be made and opportunities would have to be taken, but it makes my mind tinker.  

Seeing a local coffee shop and a local burger joint- both successful, sprout up and take flight has been my inspiration. Time shall tell.

Dreamers of dreams... 

Establishing a Little Family

Hello and wowoser- has it really nearly been a year?! Lots of life changes and lots to update on...

Being a mom of two has had many challenges and rewarding moments. Now that I have these two, precious, little lives combined with mine- I really couldn't imagine it any other way. Cliché, right? Well, its true! I remember when I was pregnant with Ella, if I were really honest, I was nervous! I had been six months post partum with Evi. The thought of being responsible for one little one was manageable and I finally felt like my normal day to day was getting back to...normal. But the thought of being the mommy to two little girlies... sheesh!

My fears- could I juggle two at the same time? The feedings? The naps? Chasing after Evi while Ella still needed so much of my assistance? How would outings go? How would I carry them both in a cart? What if one didn't adapt to the others routine?

Reality, Momma: can't lie, its tough in the beginning. As many know (or don't know if you haven't quite reached parenthood), parents get slim to none in the sleep department for the first three months of a newborns life. Always walking around in a constant fog from the moment of birth seems to be about the norm. While we had a good hospital experience, staff don't give new parents a "break". Infants are typically bedside in a basinet and breastfeeding on demand. We were pretty anxious to back to Evi. She was being cared for by family while we were having Ella. Therefore, we were in and out within 24 hours. The birthing process seemed to go smoother on the body the second time around so there was less recovery time. Due to work schedules, we opted to stay at my sisters for the first couple of days to get a routine down while there was assistance there, if needed. The first night, Evi woke up every time the baby did and we got maybe 30 minutes sleep combined. ZzZzZz. Once home, the routine hustle really began. Boy and I took shifts on feeding the baby and tending to her through the night. By that time, Evi was content in sleeping through the night either in the pack and play in our room or the crib in her room as she got used to sleeping through Ella's crying. During the six weeks I was off on maternity leave, I learned double strollers are a blessing when going out of outings to appointments or church. It is the best way to confine both children and get tasks done without fumbling  over one or the other. Grocery shopping carts are great too- the carrier fits in the cart and Evi was able to sit in the seat and -viola! Shopping done! Eventually Ella started to adapt to Evi's routine the older she got. Ella is now six months old. Since she is eating baby food now and able to assist in holding her bottle, we all eat the table as a family during meals. Ella sits up and is able to play with her toys and teethers. Therefore, playtime in their room is becoming a thing they both enjoy. Nap times at synced and each girl sleeps for at least two hours and bedtimes are about 9pm. Evi sleeps in their room in the crib, while Ella still sleeps in out room in the bedside bassinet. When sleeping in the same room, they still sleep through each others whines or whimpers. To say the least, it gets easier. Ella still struggles with sleeping through the whole night, she averages about every 3-4 hours before she wants a bottle or her bink (pacifier). 

As mentioned in my last post, we have been attending church and engaging in a Christ filled life since Evi has been born. Our lives have seemed to be more enriched since readapting into a religious lifestyle. While we aren't perfect (no one is), we do try to be mindful, open our hearts and show our girls the joy and happiness that can be achieved from inviting Christ into our lives. Religion is something I've always sought after and yerned for as a child and young adult. To be able to choose a bible preaching church with like minded and hearted individuals has been such a positive experience. We have been invited and welcomed with open arms. Though there are friends, co workers and family who don't chose to worship or have the same views- we love them and teach the girls to love with an open heart. I have begun reading through the bible during my long commutes to work each week. I have also been following a few podcasts- Paster Paul Sheperd and Risen Motherhood. Each message and hearing the word refreshes me and gets those wheels turning in my head as I head out for the day and reminds me of the things Christ wants in in us. It helps me to raise our girls in Christ and try to do choose the right way and tactics in raising our children. Evi enjoys reading bible stories from her toddler bibles, praying and listening to the word in the car. Though there are things that aren't perfect, we are trying. That's all anyone can do in building a relationship with Christ. Boy is still a work in progress.

Being a Christ centered mom can also make it challenging in meeting and engaging in new friendships and relationships with local non believer moms. Awkwardness and feeling of being judged can sway moms away when all I really want is to chat or set up a play date. I'm not here to judge- no one is. There is only one judge- God. Though establishing a connection with locals has been challenging, I've cherished the friendships I've made with the moms I've met through church and the relationships that continue to blossom between us and our littles.

We live a simple, humble life. We try to be kind and understanding while living within our means to create a better life for our little family. As I continue to grow this year, my goals are to learn to be a better listener by living in the moment and the thinking before I speak. So often there are times when I'm thinking of the answer to what I am going to say before the other person completes their sentence. Not only is this perceived as rude and jumping the gun, but it can be thought of as insensitive. Not my intention, but social anxiety sets in and the jitters inside my nervous body spews out my premeditated response. In those times, I need to learn to breathe and be still.

Life will continue to be full of its up and down, twists and turns, learning experiences and humbling times. So while we may not "have it all together, together we have it all".

Peace <3