I Aspire to Be YOU

I aspire to be you... these are words I would often mutter to myself as I walked into the community college I took my pre requisite courses for the nursing program as I saw nursing students on campus. I thought oh just to be to that level. Kinda like when you’re a freshman looking upto a senior in high school. 

Then, I revisited my prior private college and low and behold, I was accepted into my former nursing program... and I was THAT nursing student.

After I graduated, I saw those who were passing their nursing boards in the same light... I aspire to be you. I worked hard and studied non stop. After shortcoming one test, I made it on my second attempt. I was a Registered Nurse. 

I feel into a new grad position in my department at work which gave me a great start to my nursing journey. All the while, I would see RN circulators. Again, I heard myself saying, I aspire to be you. 

Today, I was offered my nursing dream. I will be the newest OR circulator with my community hospital in July.

I aspired, I worked hard, I dreamt and went out on a whim outside of my comfort level. I took chances and prevailed. 

My career dreams became reality with the grace of God and good people. 

2020: The Year of Perspective

2020- the year of perspective: the first thing most people say about 2020 is how awful it was. Did it have its challenges, sure! I was taught to adapt and overcome in my life and it’s all about how you look at situations and how you react to them. Having faith in this pandemic has pulled our little family through. At the beginning of 2020, I was powering through my nursing program which meant me and my family were exhausted and torn between two homes and two cities, always traveling and my extended family was watching my kiddos more then I was able to spend with them. I was worn out and praying for relief while trying to see the finish line. My estranged dad had just revealed his stage four lung cancer diagnosis. I was constantly in conference with his docs and specialist in between lunch hours and breaks at school. I was torn in too many directions to count. Then, almost overnight in March- COVID-19 made its debut and shut down all in person learning and any physical contact in the world. With that, my in person nursing program turned virtual- I was able to be home full time. I was able to stop all traveling for school purposes, keep my family home, spent more time with my kiddos and was present for them again, give my extended family some much needed babysitting relief, bring my dad to my home to live and care for him in his last days and be present for doctors appointments. When dad passed in April, I was grateful to be supported by Jim Kommers, Aviant hospice and my family. Within this time, my family grew closer and we became stronger in our faith and made some good lifestyle changes. Sure- church, doctors appointments, birthdays, graduations and family gatherings looked very different through FaceTime or Zoom but how awesome is it that we have those technologies to keep present with one another. Vacation became a word we used in the future tense. We made home a place we enjoyed to be- not just somewhere we met at night and slept. In June, I contracted bilateral pneumonia r/t COVID-19, through the grace of God and good medicine, I was able to fight my month long fight at home in quarantine. Since I was home, I kept up with my excellerated nursing program and I graduated on time in August. Our pinning ceremony was a drive thru style,  but I’m grateful there was one- such an important rite of passage and I love looking at my lamp and pin in my shadow box on the wall. Graduation was on YouTube, but it felt awesome to get to recognition of so many early mornings, all nighters, blood, sweat and tears paid off. Shortly before the pandemic, I was able to do my last semester of clinicals with my department at work until I got sick. With that, I was offered an amazing opportunity to stay on as a new graduate nurse in my department once I passed my state board examination. Once I hurdled that, I started my job in December. I was blessed to have a job during a time when so many lost theirs. Being a front line worker has had its host of challenges from being mentally, physically exhausted with the shortage of staff, supplies and patient beds to being the one to witness the sadness, fear and loneliness to my patients who can’t have their loved ones there to help them heal or go on their journey to walk with Jesus when their bodies just can’t be as strong as they once were. It is a humbling experience. Being a COVID-19 nurse has been one of the most rewarding things I have experienced in my lifetime. I’ve sat with and took time listening while offering encouragement and hope, held hands and prayed with my patients (and families during last moments), gave hugs while in full respirator, gown, goggles, shield. In all this, I am blessed. I make a difference in lives. I work with a team that works their tooshies off and would have my back in a hot second. My other half who understands and works battling in the same environment. In a busy world with iso much going on, this pandemic brought my family closer together, at work and at home. God bless us and the experiences that have made us stronger in 2020 and to the hope that resides in 2021. Happy New Year, y’all.

A Smorgasburg of All Things 2021... So Far

New Years 2021 resolutions: live simply, love, grow, be humble, be kind, be understanding, think before I speak, listen. Seems like simple enough words to live by but each day I challenge myself to be the change in the world I hope for. Each day is an opportunity to change things for the better. If COVID-19 had taught us anything in 2020, it was to cherish the relationships that mean most in life, that things are just that- things and it’s doesn’t cost a thing to be a decent human being. What makes me comfortable- home family goals living within my means. 

Dad-trauma alive and dead: you know those dreams that just seem too real to life. Well I had one in January. It was one where dad came to visit me and he told me to get up and go get his jeep. Man, it was like I could feel the breath on my neck. Everything was so darn real. Needless to say, I woke up in a sweat and I made some real last-minute plans for U-Haul trailer and an oil change and we were on the road to New Mexico where his jeep was being stored. It was a long process to get the title transferred into my name since COVID-19 pretty much shut down all in person MVD services, but after much persistence and a few times of resending paperwork, I can now say that the jeep is in my name and safe for the girls. It will be a restoration project as the miles are high and the transmission needs replacing but oh how it will shine back to its glory days by the time the girls get old enough to drive to school. When we picked it up I touch the seatbelt and man I swear I could see dad bouncing around from lake to lake and camping wherever his heart desired. He even had a small barbecue in the back. When I touch the seatbelt I could not help but break down in tears knowing what traveling meant to him. Shortly afterwards we planned his end of life trip back to New Mexico and spread his ashes over Bluewater lake as he desired. We had a virtual service with a small gathering to commemorate his memory. Every since then I’ve felt a sense of peace and little less grief since dads been laid to rest. 

Being a mom of two preschoolers has been simply amazing- from the homemade drawings to the new discoveries I bear witness to when they subtly reveal what they’ve learned in school and how they’ve developed over the last year, despite restrictions due to the pandemic- they prevailed. These little wee ones are fierce and capable of most anything they put their minds to. Oh for the love and motivation of these babes. Look out world.

Church life looked very different since the pandemic rolled out. We’ve streamed online more then most aside from Christmas service to keep from being in a crowded room full of maskless folks and to grow together in our home unit. The girls sing and dance to the music and they even enjoy listening to our pastor during his sermons. Jesus inspires and drives us as a family. He helps us grow closer and live together with love, kindness and most of all- understanding. Do we have disagreements, sure. With Jesus’ loving forgiveness, we challenge ourselves to love and forgive like Jesus did. While our physical worship community has been absent, our home worship is alive and strong.

New friendships and challenges to creating new relationships: it has been a secret that I have struggled making friends in Globe. But I do have an amazing group of friends that I have gained through work. I enjoy their company and I enjoy how we do things together, go through seasons together, support  one another. It is a great feeling. Can’t wait to let you in on all the fun things we have planned this year.

Careerwise, I have written out my five year plan. The details of this are yet to be revealed and who knows maybe they may never be revealed. I don’t like to count my chickens before they hatch, but it gives me something to look forward to. It gives me faith and hope. It gives me motivation. This section is a story for another future post.

I saved one of the most exciting pieces of news for last, Martin starting nursing school in August! I am very excited that he has chosen to do something for himself and that he has chosen a career that keeps giving. Being a nurse is one of the best things that I chose to do for myself and my family.